The number one cause of death for men under 45 in the UK is suicide.

I’ve known about this statistic for a couple of years and I still cannot get my head around it. I find it very confronting; I know dozens of men who are in this age bracket, and I myself am going to be a part of it for another 24 years. I think that the government has to step up on this issue, and I will be covering how we can put pressure on them to do so, but I also think that there’s a lot we can do about this as individuals.

1.Talk to your mates who are struggling

If you’re worried about a friend, give them a call or text, or talk to them the next time you see them. The Glasgow University Student Representative Council (SRC) runs some brilliant workshops about just this, called ‘Mind Your Mate’. I attended this workshop recently and was kindly given permission to share its wisdom. When we talk about the mental health of those closest to us, we should Look, Listen & Link;

• Look out for the symptoms of depression in your mates, and signs that they may be thinking about suicide. These are; speaking about their desire to die, substance abuse, purposelessness, anxiety, feeling trapped, hopelessness, withdrawal, anger, restlessness, mood change, change in how they act with friends and family, feeling overwhelmed and repetition of suicidal thoughts after a previous attempt.

• If you notice any of these signs in a friend, ask them how they’re getting on and Listen. Try to ask them open questions like ‘how are you feeling?’ instead of the closed ‘are you okay?’, and actively listen to what they have to say. Ask them twice.

• Link your mate to another person. If your friend is feeling suicidal or has felt depressed for more than two weeks, take action with them. If that means booking a GP or counselling appointment, make sure to go along with them. Never be the last person in the link → this means that they should be referred to a professional, and you should talk to someone you trust about the situation to make sure that you are okay.

 

2. Normalize asking for help.

Admitting that you need help is challenging for everyone, especially for men. Telling a friend or family member you trust that you’re struggling can be a great first step; so can booking an appointment with your GP or uni counseling service. Remember that many people go through these things every year and that 80% of people who receive treatment for depression show signs of recovery within weeks. You can get great help for things like anxiety, depression, BPD, bipolar, and many other mental health problems via the NHS and your university.

 

3. Reflect on how you treat yourself.

Learning to healthily express our emotions is an important part of growing up, but many men struggle with this. If you feel like this could be you, or that you could be treating yourself with more kindness, there are a few options worth exploring. Talking therapies have helped lots of men learn to regulate their emotions, and if you don’t want to talk, there is music therapy, art therapy, as well as drama therapy. Finding a hobby where you can channel these emotions can help, too; fixing up cars, karate, climbing, playing the guitar. Understanding your emotions will help you out on days when things seem dark. Having supportive friends and family, fighting your pessimistic tendencies with the choice to see the good in life, and having long-term goals to work towards are all factors that can protect your mental health long term.

4. If you’re feeling lost or stuck, try to draw up a recovery plan.

The SRC also recommended a three-step recovery plan, involving an overall Vision of what you want, a list of Problems you need to solve to achieve your vision, framed positively, and a further list of concrete Actions to directly address the Problems.

For example, let’s say that for a couple of days I’ve been feeling hopeless, I can’t get out of bed and I haven’t been to a lecture for two days.

• Vision. To get back to my normal self.

• Problems to solve. a) Find reasons to feel hopeful b) Get out of bed before 10am c) Go to at least one uni class each day

• Actions to directly solve my problems. a) get in touch with someone I trust and a mental health professional. b) ask a friend or flatmate to go for a walk, come with me to the gym, or just cook something nice together.c) ask someone on my course to fill me in on what I’ve missed. if my lecturer is friendly, I’ll drop them a line about how I’ve been feeling. I can ask a friend to go with me to a lecture, or meet a classmate and go together.

 

5. Lead by example.

We need to show young men a version of masculinity where vulnerability is a sign of our strength, and where proactiveness about our mental health is encouraged. If you have a younger brother, son or any young man in your life, please think carefully about how you’re talking to them. Telling them to man up, to stop crying, or to stop being a wuss can seriously affect them later on, and is the root of suffering for many men in adulthood; from preventing healthy emotional development, to instilling the flawed idea that asking for help is weakness. Similarly, older men can learn from the willingness of young people to be open about their vulnerability, and their desire to seek prompt support for their mental health.

 

6. Bring mental health conversations into daily life, while remembering the importance of boundaries.

If you’re with the boys at the pub, or out for a walk, or enjoying yet another zoom quiz, ask them how they’re doing. Let them know that if they need you, you’ll be there for them. It might seem like an awkward thing to do, but I think it comes down to something very simple. If my best mate is feeling down, I want him to tell me. I want him to know that I’ll support him through anything. And I want him to know that I’m happy he’s my mate and that he’s here with me. Because far too many men didn’t know they were loved and cared for, and they didn’t know how much they’d be missed. And now they’re gone. We want to keep these men around.

Having said this, boundaries are also an important part of any mental health conversation. If we’re in a dark place, we need to be directed to professional help — we can’t be therapists for our friends, or expect them to be therapists for us. As men, we need to be particularly careful that we don’t expect too much from the women we’re emotionally close to.

 

7. If you’re a Glasgow Uni student, make the most of what’s available.

If you’re a student at UofG I can’t recommend the SRC’s Mind Your Mate workshop more highly; they teach you how to take direct and compassionate action to prevent suicide in a simple, clear way and in a comfortable atmosphere. The uni also has great counselling services, as well as Nightline, where you can chat to a volunteer over the phone or over IM about your troubles (no matter how big or small). Lastly, get yourself the new SafeZone App, which is designed to keep you safe while on the Uni campus.

 

8. Put some pressure on the government.

The government has to step up on this issue. We can put pressure on them to do exactly that. If you feel that the government’s current policies, programmes, and generally passive attitude towards mental health aren’t sufficient, I urge you to write your MP or MSP an email telling them exactly what you want from them. They work for us, and their inaction on this issue is leading to the unnecessary suffering and the early deaths of thousands of men each year.

 

9. Treat trans men, and all trans folks, better.

89% of trans young people have thought about suicide, and 27% of trans people have attempted suicide. We need to accept and cherish trans people and take far better care of them. Let the trans folks in your life know that you’re there for them, and call out your mates if they’re making jokes or comments about trans people. They’re not funny.

 

10. Look to your local community for support.

The idea of one-on-one therapy is intimidating to many people, but having an informal chat with others who are struggling is also a great option. There are groups of men up and down the country who are getting together to talk about their mental health. The mental health charity Mind has a list of over 300 peer support groups for mental health across the UK. You are not alone!

If you found this article helpful, please share it with the men in your life; you never know who might need to read it. Take care.

  

If you need help:

Mind, the Mental Health Charity https://www.mind.org.uk/

Anxiety UK https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/

The NHS Mental Health and Wellbeing frontpage https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/

Togetherall https://togetherall.com/en-gb/

Text SHOUT to 85258 to talk to someone immediately

Call The Samaritans on 116 123 to talk to someone immediately

Students at UofG

GU Counselling and Psychological Services https://www.gla.ac.uk/myglasgow/counselling/

GU Nightline https://www.gunightline.org/

UofG SafeZone app http://www.safezoneapp.com/